Why I don't believe in the devil
For some reason tonight, I got to musing on how I've gotten to this point in my life. I guess sitting among boxes filled with all your earthly belongings will do that. The past few weeks spent assessing and managing my material goods have led me to think about my spiritual state.
So I got to thinking about the decisions I've made and over the years. I've made some questionable ones. I've made decisions that have led me to real regret which I have wrestled with the past 2 or 3 years & which have kept me paralyzed for some time. I'm moving out of that now.
It's been a slow and painful process. But one thing that has helped me all along is the fact that I know my decisions are mine. Wrong though they may have been, they're totally mine. Truly, I am my own worst enemy. And I can do something about that! I can change that, I can work on that. I felt helpless when I was at the mercy of a devil who knew all my weaknesses and could exploit them at any time in the most nefarious ways. But when I realized that I create my own hell, well, I can do something about that.
At times, I've had discussions with Christians about why I'm no longer a Christian. I usually avoid these, especially with family, because Christians are often so anxious about any questioning of their beliefs. I think the fear of hell is potent. So potent that people will blindly follow beliefs that do not work for them and aren't making them happy or better or anything. When I lost my fear of hell, my life changed for the better. And interestingly enough, for some of these Christians, they get more upset when I tell them I don't believe in the devil than when I tell them I don't believe I need to be saved by Jesus. I guess they believe that without a fear of hell, I have no checks on my behavior, that anything goes.
What they don't realize is that now, it's harder. I am fully responsible for my own actions. I know completely the depths of my anger and ugliness. And it's ALL ME. I can't blame it on some outside force. Furthermore, it is now my responsibility to fully know and come to terms with that ugliness so that I can control it. I may not burn in hell but I know that any pain or hurt that I cause is my fault and my fault completely. I guess that some people don't want to take on that responsibility. But I believe, to be fully spiritually mature, you have to.
So I got to thinking about the decisions I've made and over the years. I've made some questionable ones. I've made decisions that have led me to real regret which I have wrestled with the past 2 or 3 years & which have kept me paralyzed for some time. I'm moving out of that now.
It's been a slow and painful process. But one thing that has helped me all along is the fact that I know my decisions are mine. Wrong though they may have been, they're totally mine. Truly, I am my own worst enemy. And I can do something about that! I can change that, I can work on that. I felt helpless when I was at the mercy of a devil who knew all my weaknesses and could exploit them at any time in the most nefarious ways. But when I realized that I create my own hell, well, I can do something about that.
At times, I've had discussions with Christians about why I'm no longer a Christian. I usually avoid these, especially with family, because Christians are often so anxious about any questioning of their beliefs. I think the fear of hell is potent. So potent that people will blindly follow beliefs that do not work for them and aren't making them happy or better or anything. When I lost my fear of hell, my life changed for the better. And interestingly enough, for some of these Christians, they get more upset when I tell them I don't believe in the devil than when I tell them I don't believe I need to be saved by Jesus. I guess they believe that without a fear of hell, I have no checks on my behavior, that anything goes.
What they don't realize is that now, it's harder. I am fully responsible for my own actions. I know completely the depths of my anger and ugliness. And it's ALL ME. I can't blame it on some outside force. Furthermore, it is now my responsibility to fully know and come to terms with that ugliness so that I can control it. I may not burn in hell but I know that any pain or hurt that I cause is my fault and my fault completely. I guess that some people don't want to take on that responsibility. But I believe, to be fully spiritually mature, you have to.
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